Good-bye, March

A whole 31 days since February


a whole 31 days since February.

It's hard to believe it's been that long
or that it's gone so fast.

or that
... April will be here.


Another March of my life has passed by.

***
I saw I Have Loved Strangers tonight, and I admire the character developments, though I do not understand
***

In my dream,
Jeremiah lies on his side in the streets
He has nothing but what God has given him, and this is a burning in his bones
a compulsion to speak a word he himself does not understand
a pressure in his chest that builds until it finds his voice
What voice is left for him?
He sobs,
because sometimes, cold and ragged at night he wonders
whether it isn't all just a game -
whether there is something in life that could be his
whether burning from the inside out with nothing but a message
is really the only life that he can have,

and whether it has all been some mistake

***
from the play:
lines are half quote, half paraphrase

I always think the same thing when I see a mad prophet: what if he's right?

What if he looks in my eyes... and they're my eyes... and I have to go barefoot through the streets?

What people don't realize is that you do have a choice - you don't HAVE to be a prophet. I won't say God isn't insistent...he's very persuasive... but you can say 'take this cup from me, I won't drink it' and he will pass on. Of course, there are consequences. Perhaps he doesn't answer my prayers anymore. What I know is that He is resistible.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and wicked - who can know it?

Thus sayeth the Lord:
What iniquity hast thou seen in me? That thou wouldst go so far from me? Gone after the imaginations of your heart?
Be ye desolate.

It makes sense to be strong.. and prepared... but don't be afraid. You don't need to be afraid.

At first, it was only the faintest rain.
We were overcome by wonders.

I will make them drink the water of Gall for their words are diseases and must be purged.

The Lord put forth his hand and touched my mouth ... But his word is in my heart as a burning flame, and I am wearly with forbearing. I must ignite.

In the beginning,
I did not mind the pit. I had questions about the mire. But it felt nice to say things without bad consequences... to myself.

Rats do not care. From that time, I began to mind the pit.

I took hold of the rope, but when they pilled it, my fingers slipped away,
I could not make my hands clutch the rope

The Lord is with me
The Lord is always with me. Who can help me?

I am against them that prophesy false dreams.

This is a miracle - if I walk in a field of wheat, I cannot eat it
- but I can eat this miracle

I'll need words.
I'm perfectly happy to lie - it's just that I've never done it before.

... you're running from an apocalypse that is never going to take place when you could be HERE! with ME! Comfortable and warm!

What does God say of false prophets?
He deplores them. and they die.

We were overcome with wonders.

I was in those microseconds, violently alive,
but those microseconds pile up
and eventually, we came to the end of them.

We found their bodies in the morning
they were shot through with stars.

****

Sometimes,
I think that all I really need or want is God.
and I think I'm right.
But you know, I think there's a comfort in needing or wanting something.
And the thought of not needing and not wanting anything else to me is sometimes
terrifying.