Palm Sunday

I wonder what he was thinking
passing barely above the crowd (donkeys not being exceptionally tall),
amid the cheering and the screaming
waving palm branches rustling
people shouting, arms raised
in acclamation, recognition, celebration for the man who'd come to free them.

Dear people,
we never know what to be free from.
We wanted freedom from an invasive government -
a rebellion to prove something about us to someone who doesn't care -
something to shift the lines and structures that are only real to rulers and cartographers-

He wanted to bring freedom from fear, from death, the freedom of a second chance afresh, freedom to love -


I wonder what he thought as they shouted for him,
praising him for something that he knew he would not give them.
I wonder if he was angry that they were so mistaken
or sad
or frightened.

I wonder if he'd begun to ask himself whether he would really go through with it. Whether God would make him go through with it.

In my head,
he drifts through a blurry-shouting crowd -
emitting sounds in the shapes of words they will reverse in just a week
in just a week, they'll be screaming again, but for his crucifiction. In my head, he looks back and forth, shaking his head slightly. He wishes it could feel good, but
They're all so wrong.

He tries to look past their loud, mistaken ignorance and see them for the beautiful possibilities his Father made them to be. He sees not just the crowd, but all that come after it and reminds himself that they are worth it. Even with this resolve, he tries not to listen to keep his heart from sinking.

***

Dear churches,

why do you lie to me?

I went to hear about God, not about us.

Why do you tell me of the rewards that await us? For what?
Don't tell me this. It's not the whole story. It's harder than that.

Why do you sing songs of how God has forsaken us? NO
The words 'Why have you forsaken me' were spoken by Jesus - they are not mine.
Because he said them, I am acceptable.


redemption.

loss, love, joy, pain, separation, sacrifice, reuniting, forgiveness, destruction, new life...
These have separated in my head.
I must recondense the concept: redemption