The fox and the scorpion

Another story that's been in my head for at least the last 3 years, that I actually thought I had posted before, but I guess I didn't because I can't find it anywhere...
I was reminded of this story by a friend's post on Solotude.


I don't watch Star Trek often, but once it happened to be on and I think to was Spock telling a sort of fable:
Here, I brutally paraphrase it according to what I remember right now:

*******************************************************************

A fox had come to a swift-moving river and was preparing to swim across it when he heard a voice calling to him. He turned to see a scorpion there. "Excuse me fox, I need to get across this river. Would you please give me a ride on your back? I can show you a good place to cross, but if I try to cross it myself, I will be swept away by the current."

The fox took a step back, "No," he said to the scorpion. "What if I take you on my back and you sting me? I can't take that risk."

"But I have no cause to do that," reasoned the scorpion. "If I stung you while you carried me, then I would be lost in the river and we would both die."

The fox considered this and decided that it seemed reasonable. "That makes sense." He said. "Ok, climb on my back and show me where to cross this river."

So the scorpion crawled onto the back of the fox and led him to a point of the river which was a little easier to cross. The fox, carrying the scorpion, began to swim across the river.

Suddenly, the fox felt the sharp prick of the scorpion's tail. He felt the poison entering his system and as he began to sink beneath the current, he called to the scorpion, "Scorpion! Why did you do that? Now we will both die."

"I'm sorry," apologized the scorpion, "It's my nature."

Experience and Authority

I remember being in a college freshmen humanities class where we read some of the 'classics' and stuff by greek and roman philosophers. I remember overhearing a guy saying, with a tone of voice as though he were imparting some great revelatory wisdom upon the rest of us, something like:

You know, actually when you get into it, Plato was actually a pretty smart dude...
I'm not gonna do it justice, but he had basically discovered that if you start reading Plato with the expectation that maybe there was something in there worth paying attention to ( you know, maybe the same things that have been of interest to... all of western philosophy?) then you could find significance to what he was trying to say even if it just looks confusing at first.



Excuse me.
He was a college freshman... and he was going to accept and allow that Plato might have had some good ideas?


Please.



Maybe the confusing stuff was confusing not because Plato was writing popular gibberish but because there is actually something of substance that he just did not understand?

I am not suggesting that all authoritative things be blindly admired. I found myself disagreeing with much of what Plato described. But, when you've got someone with the kind of shaping-western-philosophy clout that Plato had (even if it all came from the Pythagoreans anyway), then there's probably something there worth paying attention to.




I am thinking of this memory because people do this all the time. Not just to Plato.

edict

I will no longer tolerate people - especially men - telling me that I lack confidence
(even if it is true. I ain't gonna become more confident by listening to how I'm not)



or telling me that I am cute.
Such a report will get very low marks.

Jamie Oliver marshals support for America's Food Revolution in Huntington, Virginia

Students helping stir things up at Marshall University in West Virginia



Jamie Oliver, spurred by the statistics of obesity and death in Huntington, VA inspires a flash mob as part of his campaign to bring the knowledge and capability of healthy eating to everyone. The food revolution started in Huntington.


And everyone involved in putting this together is genius.

(related: a student from the Portland Pangaea Project speaks to Mayor Sam Adams about nutrition in education. "You should force us to garden, you already force us to do math!" )



Only one thing bothers me.
Did any spectators upload videos to YouTube?

Obstacle course

He traced a short line segment on the table with his finger.

"Our parents get us from here, to here. They teach us the basics."

He he traveled the short distance with another finger, then indicated the vast tabletop fanning beyond the endpoint of the line.

"After that, we're on our own. And," he said, peppering the table with jabs like a minefield from another finger, "it's all an obstacle course from there."

The expanse of the tabletop stretched arbitrarily in all directions.

"We got to make our own way through the obstacle course. There are all these obstacles out there, but there are things you can do to make it easier on yourself.

Some we can go over,
some we choose,
some just come at us,
some we can go around,
some we avoid,
some ... are just there.


Some people use intuition,
[some use impulse,]
some have a plan..."

I looked at the empty table covered in an imagined landscape of boulders ... some to choose, some to avoid, some are most easily approachable in a certain order. I imagined trying to steer or coast on the thin path of my life as it wound through the terrain.

heard a prophecy today.

"You will set yourself apart from the majority, and thereby make yourself more useful to the majority, by your (study of the Chinese language)."

I met a nice couple at Lili's today over a discussion of the fantastic avocado melt I ordered. We chatted about my studies and my desire to learn Chinese in Taiwan, and that's when the man said that.

He actually did say the part in parentheses,
but I like to think I could fill that part in with many of things that I try to do and be.

Even though I know that variety and versatility are important (and for there to be variety, there must be deviation) and therefore it is vital that I pursue those things that interest and are within the abilities the particular person that I am ... his words encourage me to keep growing in the ways that seem best to me, and to grow with confidence.



Funny isn't it?

For as difficult as it can feel,

it is often the ways that we are different from others that make us more useful and more appreciable.



Go be yourself. It is very important.

Thoughts on categorizations of the gender spectrum ?

The Asian Reporter" is a really interesting news source! It covers a broad variety of topics relevant to various Asian interests for readers in Portland.

In this issue, there are some articles about transgendered people (and their rights in other asian countries). The transgendered people and those lobbying for them were advocating for recognition of a 'third gender', and it seems to have catalyzed some thoughts in me, so here they are:

Disclaimers:
First, I should say I am not a transgendered person. I feel very comfortable marking female on forms and such. But, I sympathize with others' desires for a societally-valid identity. Also, what I'm thinking about here is probably a different matter from a biological standpoint, but I ignore that for now since I'm mostly considering gender identity from a standpoint of social construction. (Yes, I know that biological isn't completely separate from this)


Ok, Thoughts:

When I hear people talk about recognition of a 'third gender' (or similar topics), I can't help but think that perhaps the perceived need for another gender identity option is because the expected roles, personalities, and characteristics associated with Male/Female are too narrow. This would certainly cause a person who knows themself and desires to be true to themself to identify with neither category, thus creating a perceived need for a third category.

(Perhaps I am wrongly thinking of this third category as an Other to the binary Male, Female)

But, ... if I am not too far off, then why can't we just have acceptably broader categories of Male and Female?

The reason I wonder this is partly also because I don't feel very conventionally female.

I am definitely biologically female, but for most of my life, I have tended to prefer friendships with guys and have been interested in things that are more often associated with males - sports, logical and abstract thinking, .. and have not been interested in the activities usually associated with girls, to the extent that some girls have commented that I am weird, and chose not to invite me to their things (which was fine by me, because they're probably right). But, I don't see any of this as conflicting with my identity as female.

Now, .. if the female category was so ridiculously limited as to suggest that I was only really female if I adored the color pink, wanted a pony, and did not wish to study mathematics, (and if I could only be male if I wanted a cool car or something) then I would probably require a third gender option as well.

So I'm wondering - in order for those who do not self-identify as Male or Female to establish an accepted identity, do we really need a third category? Or do we need as a society to broaden the kinds of identities that are acceptable under the categories of Male / Female?


My thoughts here are coming down to the question:

When we check the M, F, (or Other) box on a form...

Who wants to know, and what does that even mean?
What information are we providing?
Is it biological?
demographic?
psychological?

Are there only pre-set characteristics that I am allowed to have as a person if I chose to check a box?


... is it any better for someone who does not identify as Male or Female to be lumped into a category like 'Other' ?

some words to start off the New Year

From the Portland newspaper The Asian Reporter , quoted from the article "Oregon's birthday and St. Val's Day on Lunar New Year"

The writer (seemingly of an Indonesian family) first reflects on some of his thoughts regarding the confluence of these three celebrations and how they all came together for him as he was driving the loop around the river, around and around, a regular routine to calm himself after a busy week. As he drove, he imagined seeing a little old woman in the back of his car - his aunt - who had saved his life when he was young by inserting herself into a fight when some other boys had, in an ethnic or racially-induced fit of rage, attacked the writer. She shielded him with her body, taking the blows intended for him that had built up over hundreds of years of racial tension. When he was ready to acknowledge her in his vision, she spoke to him. I thought she had some very good advice, so as he shared her words, so I share them too:


"Time to see it right ...

For too-too long, you remember only wrongs. Only those ugly boys. And every next wrong, every next mean man or bad woman brings out of your bones that ugly time. Swelling your heart. Nothing right can come to you, Joh. Not til you get this right. Not til you let go those boys and you come to me ...

... Forget them. Remember what I gave you. My love for you. My gift. Your life.

And when you let go of them, Boy -- you will see gentle men and sweet women everywhere. Every time. And you are ready for kindness. And more kindness.

Here's what I want you to do, Joh --

These three things you must remember. Three things you must tell your friends. Your enemies too. Listen carefully, Boy.

For our first seven days of Lunar New Year: Think only good thoughts. It's hard. But try. Think only good.

For seven days, say only good things. This is easier. You control what comes from your mouth. You do.

And for New Year's first seven days, do only good deeds. This is easiest of all. Easiest if your thoughts are good and your words are kind. Easiest because everyone will return your kindness. Everyone except demonio, bad kids, and bad dogs."

Pocket-Watch Surprise (anime, anime, and ... where did the time go?)

I am very happy that my brother is now blogging his accumulated and digested opinions on good anime. Here is the first post, Stolen Hours of Pocket-watch Surprise.

I'm excited that he will be discussing animes both that I already love and that I have not made time to appreciate yet. And, I'm looking forward to an exhaustive list (with opinions) of quality anime, especially since I have introduced him to the addictive 'Summit' inter-library loan system...

You may be thinking 'Anime? really? are you serious?"

Yes.
I believe that anime is one of the more profoundly versatile media for expressions and struggles of the human soul and condition. Good anime is a breathtaking journey in visual poetry. And yes, that goes for graphic novels and comics as well.
It is a goal of mine to have a well-versed and thorough repertoire of quality comics, graphic novels, and anime / 'cartoon' media. As a genre, it represents an significant, though often sidelined, body of literature.

My brother and I share a deep appreciation for good anime, though he has made it's study a higher priority. I think we were both inspired by a chance viewing of Miyazaki's Princess Mononoke in our earlier years, so we have high standards.

As my brother says, "Not all anime is full of strangely drawn, over exaggerated characters who just power up over and over and stare at each other in combat while hurling cheesy insults at each other. That is not the anime that I will be looking at.

I will be trying to cut through the crap and get anime that means something. That is beautiful. At the VERY least, has a good story."

True Colors

Hey.



When I was in elementary school - like, first or second grade or so, this elementary school guidance counselor woman would come in, and teach us elementary social wisdoms with her puppets - a dolphin and an otter, whose names I can remember pronouncing but have no idea how to spell. I've actually thought about some of those early lessons a lot as I've grown.

I remember her repeatedly encouraging us to be unique, because unique was good and made us special in our own ways - and we should understand that everyone is unique.

I learned that unique was good and also to be appreciated in others. It seemed like an easy fact. What took me longer to learn was that in some ways, it is 'safer' to be like everything else, and so, 'unique' must also be encouraged and expressed from within myself, even if at odds with my surroundings. It is a choice, and sometimes it is not easy.

Even though I wrote a speech for high school graduation about the necessity of guiding oneself beyond what "they" say (because, if everyone listened to "them", then how would we ever get anywhere new?), I am still learning and practicing what it means to choose and cultivate a uniqueness, and to own and assert the sense of person that I am - even when it seems to disagree with the usual accepted expectations.

( In fact, I think this may be when it is most important to follow a sense of personal uniqueness - if I'm doing it honestly, people seem to react mostly out of curiosity. Besides - they all want to be themselves anyway, so I think that if I assert myself as an individual, that this can be enabling for other people, too )

Also, uniqueness does not mean being all things. I have had friends remind me, at various (and necessary) times that I cannot be everything to everyone. Perhaps it has to do with maturing further, but I feel that as I specialize as a personality and make choices about the person I want to become, I must recognize that if there are some things that are particularly like me, there are also things that are not me - and both of these are aspects of who I am. My sense of self demands that I represent both honestly, though there be varied consequences.

Recently, a good friend of mine shared a couple versions of this song with me. They were important to him, and that importance made me think twice about what it meant to me. This is what I've been reminded of.

So, go be the things you are, or that you want to be. How else will anyone be able to see you?

Being a particular and unique personality inevitably means being 'different', and this can take a lot of courage, both to discover and to assert (to yourself and to others). But, don't you like meeting people who are not like anyone else you've ever met? If you don't assert your own sense of individuality and creativity of person - then how can you expect anyone else to?
Go be the things you are. It's very important, and only you can do it.

I'll try to take my own advice too.

It's a courage that we will all (quietly) share.

Thanks.

39th vs Cesar E Chavez

La dee da, walking towards the bus stop to go to class one day, and...



.. What's this? I'd heard the talk in years past, but, are they really doing it?



Yes. It seems that after all the talk and little 'Save 39th' signs stuck in peoples' yards, 39th Avenue is actually being renamed! Unfortunately, I didn't have my good camera on me, and it wasn't very convenient to try to get a picture of both the Cesar E Chavez sign and the 39th sign. I think that '39th' is probably even too blurry to show up in these pictures... but it was a small historic moment, and I was there. I tried climbing onto the walk-signal buttons, but when they asked me to get off, I resorted instead to requesting that they tip the sign on their truck so that I could take a picture of with both signs at the same time.

They amiably complied, but pointed out that the two signs will remain side by side for a minimum of 5 years as part of the name-changing process.

So, why are we changing the name of 39th Avenue, which has developed its own very-39th Portland personality and is beloved by residents and small storefronts bearing those familiar numbers?

I have no idea.

I assume that it probably has something to do with honoring members of our society who are not white, but to me, it looks more like a bandwagon.

I feel that if a community is going to rename a road in honor of some distinguished member of society, ... then that should be done gladly and willfully by those people. I have noted a marked lack of gladness and willfulness about this road name change. My first thought is that this seems counterproductive for the purpose of honoring the individual for which the road is being renamed, and my second thought is, .. Really, Portland? I know it's cool to think that Cesar E Chavez was a neat dude, and probably in the distant future, the road will be as uncontroversial as MLK Blvd, but I suspect that Portland is not really honoring him, but rather earning PC points.

In that case, if we had to rename a road to show our enthusiasm for diversity, I would've much rather chosen one of Portland's own. There are plenty of non-white people who helped build the city that is Portland today. I would have liked to honor one of them, ... but not by changing 39th.


Since my own opinion lacks information,
Here are some relevant articles:

Last Summer.

A Year Ago.

Two Years Ago (it could have been a different road!)

Pangaea Project Rocks

The Pangaea Project (Bringing the World Back Together) is a relatively recent nonprofit organization that provides high school kids from underserved areas to get involved with various issues of social concern on the international and local levels by giving them a chance go abroad and learn from others in the international community.



This Video of returning students addressing the Mayor of Portland is solid evidence for the great work this project is doing, and will continue to do.

acts of kindness

If you're going to hold a door open for someone and expect them to walk appreciatively through it,

THINK AHEAD, GET TO THE DOOR, AND HAVE IT OPEN BEFORE THEY NEED TO WALK THROUGH.

'typical' model of abuse is too extreme to be commonly recognizable

I think that the general image that our society has of an abuse being committed by a willfully harmful person against another small and weak individual is unfortunate and misleading.



It is misleading because there are many situations which are not so clear-cut. And, it is unfortunate because, like most lies, it makes the truth harder to see. It seems that many times, especially situations where the abuse is not physical, the abuser and the victim do not see each other as fitting the stereotypical roles and therefore do not recognize that the situation really has an abusive dynamic.

The stereotypical model makes it difficult for victims of more subtle psychological or emotional abuse to realize that they are in an abusive situation. They may not see their abuser as an intentionally destructive person, and they probably don't see themselves as the vulnerable and helpless victim. Neither image does justice to the complexity of the many kinds of people that find themselves in either role. Neither image is useful for determining whether a person qualifies as an abuser or as a victim.

It seems probable that part of the reason people do not recognize when they are in this picture is because they might not see the other person as being in the picture either, or might not want to admit it. For example, if a woman consistently suffers because of the improper manner with which her husband is treating her, she might still believe that he loves her and is not intending to harm her (and she may be right, but that doesn't make it ok). This belief conflicts with the usual image of the abuser as being obviously and willfully destructive, so she may not think she is being abused.

Further, even if she suspects she is being abused, she may not want to admit it because of the connotations or associations of being cast into the images of abuser and abusee. If she thinks of herself as a victim, that might also carry connotations of being weak, passive, and helpless, and she may not want to see herself this way (and she might be right). Or possibly more compelling, if she begins to think of her husband as an abuser, this can carry the connotation that he intends to harm her, and she may not want to accuse him of this. This is not necessarily foolish protectiveness - she may be right. It may very well be that he does not intend to harm her, but that his ability to interact with other people is just so poor and underdeveloped that in trying to satisfy his own psychological needs, he inflicts unnecessary pain upon others.

(In the above example, I used the image of a woman responding to the abuse of a man. The genders in the example could be reversed, identical, or neutral without changing the idea. Perhaps it would even make a stronger point to consider that the situation where a female abuses a male is not as easily recognizable to society as the image I chose to present.)

I think that in order for people to more easily recognize when they are in an abusive situations and to more easily point out when someone else is in an abusive situation, we need to (as a society) reduce the social stigma and taboo around being either a victim or an abuser. This may make it easier for people to realize and seek help because they will recognize the nature of the real situation before it reaches an extreme. They will not be afraid or deterred by the stigma of being either helpless or uncaring.

It's also true that there probably are situations so terrible that they fit and deserve the extreme depictions. But, I expect most cases are more subtle and are probably just the case of someone who, in their inability to express themselves functionally, harms others. These kinds of power dynamics exist in all sorts of human relationships, and I think that abuse of any kind of power is something that we as a human society should open up more for discussion and introspection.

We as people need to be alert to responsible ways of interacting with our fellow humans. We will make mistakes sometimes, but we must be open to realizing, atoning for, and learning from our mistakes.

It seems that too often, unhealthy and dysfunctional power imbalances are allowed to escalate and perpetuate (and perhaps even become expected or 'normal') because they are not extreme enough for people to recognize and discourage. I think that because people cannot really believe that their situation is as bad as the accepted model (and it might not be, but it is still unhealthy), they do not see that their situation also counts as abuse and believe that there is just something wrong with the way they see or understand things.

These people begin to believe that they are crazy for sensing that what is happening around them is not right. They are not crazy.

It is possible that they have just been misled by the popular image of what abuse is 'supposed' to look like.

Blind

People only see what they already think they are seeing.

blind blind blind.

(and, I am probably no exception.)

understanding

I have been subject to the opinion that I should not care what others think about me.

And yet, I do.
Is my opinion invalid?
no.

I found some words to explain it.


I care about what others think of me because they will speak to me and understand me in terms of who they think I am. If they have a false or mistaken perception of me, then they will have a false or mistaken perception of where I am coming from with the things I say and do, and so will not interpret me accurately (although I recognize that I won't necessarily have an accurate view of myself either).

I will be less free to speak out of my own thoughts, because in order to make myself understood, I will have to anticipate how they will filter my words through their perception. For most people, this does not matter, but for people with whom I communicate more closely, errors are more significant.

And, if I incorrectly assume things of others, then I subject them to the same restrictions of perceived expression by my own lack of understanding (however, there is always room to change one's opinion).

I will no longer feel as if I am doing myself a disservice for caring what others think of me, although I will try to be careful not to be impeded and to recognize that there will be necessarily-acceptable losses.

The suggestion seems to be that if I care what others think, then I am weak, looking for external validation, too-easily-influenced, too ready to go along with something...

and I might be some of these, but mostly, I think I want to understand and be understood, and to promote understanding.

How can this happen if I am conversing with someone who already assumes something of me that I disagree with?

Project Sarurun

Project Sarurun
A grassroots arts and crafts campaign to benefit children affected by war or violent conflict. Great changes are an accumulation of many small deeds.

Please learn more about this project and the upcoming auction. It begins very soon.

no fear

fear. fear and despair.
these are torturous and crippling.
These prevent humans from living even while they are alive.

make it stop.

yes,
I am a hypocrite.

One of these things is not like the others

I am not a particularly girly person. I spent a lot of time with male friends and tended to prefer them to female friends, (with the exception of the female friends that I felt good enough about to consider closer friends) and have invaded the male-dominated classrooms of physics and theoretical math.


I had thought that this meant I was not a victim or adversely affected by the 'patriarchal society' I'd heard so much about.

I now think this actually means that I was rather foolishly ignorant.

I have lived and grown in this culture for more than two decades, and only recently realized that the men elevated in history, science, and politics - the men with buildings named in their honor and whose likenesses are carved into public houses of justice, of business, and of religion -
I only recently realized that I am not supposed to grow up to emulate these men. I cannot. They do not represent me or my future.

I am going to grow up to be a woman.

And I am only beginning to understand that there is a difference, and to realize what this difference might mean.

stem

For the record,

I have been deciding not to write in this blog for my own good. When I can write clearly and honestly again, I will do so.

I decided this when, about 8 months ago, I wrote a letter home to my mom, and realized that it was the first time in too long that I actually felt as though I were preparing a message for someone other than myself.