"First clean the inside of the cup, so that the outside also may become clean."
-Matthew 23:26
These simple instructions have seemed so difficult to follow for so long - how do you clean the inside of a cup?
...Perhaps by drinking it?
Can't go under it, can't go over it ...
and I realized that it was me
I was broken
I was shattered
I was scattered long ago
and the visions I see in shards around me is not a lost God, but my soul (it is both)
I am not the only searcher, wading through the mirrors casting slanted golden light. I am not the only traveler, the only gatherer, stooping for pieces smaller than myself - we all of us are pieces
I am also a sharp-edged splinter, cast down with my brothers, my sisters, and in the confusion, I have thought they were someone else. I am a piece in the puzzle collecting.
The God I saw dispersed in shining lights,
As he was dispersed,
so the self I am familiar with appeared
and wondered
I call to the stars and they call back because we spoke with the same voice. They hear their answer in my echo.
In this moment, it is I who knows this.
But, soon it will pass and reflect from a different piece of fractured glass.
a crack around cracks around cracks
and so the light gets in
and we are dazzled
found on An Aspiring Yogi in the West, thanks again my one-sided friend.
Today,
I think that forgiveness is not about justifying, explaining, or finding ways to believe that some offense has been accepted, paid for, or can be mitigated.
I think I'd come to think of it that way, which surprises me by seeming foreign. And yet, I think I see it in my actions.
I don't like this view because it seems to me that if something is not ok, then attempts to make it so retroactively contribute to a sort of excuse-finding or rationalizing that I think is unhealthy because it begins to invalidate the significance of an offense/consequence and cast it as something other than it was. If we begin trying to say that something not ok is ok, I think that produces an unhealthiness as we succeed in confusing ourselves. It's true that there's more than one side to every story, but it's also true that there are consequences to actions. Some things, even if understandable or inevitable, are still not ok.
I was just remembering some Biblical concepts of repentance. Repentance is not about using the right words or actions in professing guilt, shame, justification, or indebtedness. Repentance is a complete 180-degree turn away from those characteristics and actions which caused an offense.
In the teachings of Jesus, when one person comes to another in a spirit of repentance, that person should be forgiven.
Forgiveness is the freedom to start from a newness and to make something different. It's a chance to learn from past mistakes, and when you come across a similar situation, to use what you know to make entirely different mistakes ;). Forgiveness doesn't mean that old things are 'ok', but it means that they don't have to get in the way of new things being possible, acceptable, and enjoyable.
I think that repentant persons are forgiven because this way, if the person has really changed direction, they are free to walk a new path, and meanwhile the old offense has not been made any less significant, just less relevant. Repentance and forgiveness together recognizes the significance of what was without obstructing what could still be. I think this sounds healthy when used with understanding.
If God is all-powerful, why doesn't he just solve the problems of the world with miracles?
I was walking past the front lawn near the swingset, thinking about how as we get older, we begin to understand that certain amounts of time 'fly by'. When I was young, all time took forever. At my current age, time escapes swiftly on the order of months. I'm sure that in another few decades I won't know where the last 5 or even 10 years went.
At the same time, it becomes ok for things to take longer. Right now, I can't imagine doing anything for more than 2 or 4 years at a time. When I was younger, all issues (deforestation, poverty, etc) must be resolved immediately. I'm sure now that when I'm aged and these are still problems, I won't be surprised, though I will still hope for a better future.
I imagined God as being infinitely old, having seen all that was and all that will be.
We are so young, and we are in such a hurry.
That's why we are impatient with God.
For someone so old, I thought, eons must seem like a moment.
No wonder He's in no hurry.
He's seen it all.
Someone infinitely old must have infinite patience. Nothing is urgent.
I remember thinking this was important and I should write it down.
It proceeded to stay only in my head for years. I think it has been at least 4 years, perhaps 5. Apparently, I found it certain enough to not be urgent in the writing.
From Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig:
"He became aware that the doctrinal differences among Hinduism and Buddhism and Taoism are not anywhere near as important as doctrinal differences among Christianity and Islam and Judaism. Holy wards are not fought over them because verbalized statements about reality are never presumed to be reality itself.
In all of the Oriental religions great value is placed on the Sanskrit doctrine of Tat tvam asi, "Thou art that" which asserts that everything you think you are and everything you perceive are undivided. To realize fully this lack of division is to become enlightened."
(I'm not sure how historically accurate this statement is, but I like the part about reality and words. Words create worlds.)
I remember hearing somewhere - someone talking about the 4th commandment (Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy ... ) saying something like:
Remembering the Sabbath is easy. Keeping it holy surely takes the rest of the week.
If the Sabbath is to be kept holy, for example if no work is to be done, then this is something that is planned and prepared for by the work structure of the other 6 days.
By that thought,
If I remember what Easter means, it is not just about this day, but something that I express with the other 364 days.
I suppose in general, a thing really has meaning in the context of how the other intentions around it prepare it to be that thing. Meaning this way is not discrete or isolated. It blends, adapts, negotiates... with the meanings around it.
In my Origins of Western Morality class, we talked about the Epicureans and their ideas.
The Epicureans thought of the world as consisting of atoms, tiny particles of every sort that fall and swirl, and void, the nothingness that separated the atoms. They tried to apply this model to determining why it is that some things, like horses, have an agency to choose to move and run while other things, like rocks, do not move.
I have been wanting to write about the Epicurean reasoning of how a horse begins to run.
The idea deals with the event that must occur between the before of a still horse and the after of a running horse. They considered that running was caused when an atom for running fit into the right place like an ignition key, causing the horse to begin running when previously, it was still.
The desire to run shapes the horse's mind in a way that is able to receive atoms of running. All things on earth are constantly bathed in a stream of all kinds of invisible atoms, so if the horse positions its mind properly, it is only a brief matter of time until a running atom finds the place prepared to receive it.
Once this running atom fits into the prepared place, this ignites the running ability, and the the horse runs.
I think I believe this.
Things happen because a place has been prepared to receive it.
Sometimes it is said that things are 'for the best' because 'something good will come of it.' I don't agree with the thoughts of good things coming from bad things (to the extent that such a judgment is reasonable). But, I do think that good things will find those who are able to keep their heads up enough to see them.
I must continue to choose open windows.
"If we really believe that God's presence is always a Saving Presence, then we come to know that when we reach out to others in unconditional love, we are being saved. When we tear down walls & build bridges in our relationships, we are being saved. When we seek our true selves in the depths of our being in God, we are being saved. When we replace a mere collective being together with true community, we are truly experiencing ourselves as being saved. And this experience of being saved is the only way we can experience God's Presence as a Saving Presence. We find a Saving God in the experience of being saved" - William H. Shannon
today is many things.
among them:
3 years ago today,
St. Max and I were baptized in the swimming pool by a friend of ours.
I like considering 2.21 a personal holiday -
this year, as a birthday.
It's a reminder of how very possible it is for things to feel new, light, and agile.
I have been trying to remember what it felt like to die and wake up again,
free and able to move life in response toward anything,
free to spend it on anything,
no sense of expectations to suggest otherwise.
I have a ritual to perform later tonight.
Rituals are for our own good.
The days seem to repeat quickly, but it seems like such a long time between years.
So very much happens in between.
But, here I am again,
remembering an unknown love that has been my unseen guardian.
I don't feel like I know or understand God.
But if he's there, I've seen Him work,
and if he's not there,
I still need a word for the depth of the fabric of this existence that has at least kept me together this long.
I'm trying to remember what my decision three years ago was.
I have not been very faithful to this baptism dye job.
I want to know who God is
and not just what the philosophies of those who talk about Him are.
It has been said: "A sense of rites, righteousness, integrity, and shame constitute the 'four covenants' of the country. If these four covenants do not thrive, then the country will perish." Excellent indeed is the gift of Guan Sheng [Guan Zhong] for words! Rites and righteousness are the premier methods for ruling others; integrity and shame are the premier maxims for anchoring the self. Without integrity, everything is acceptable. Without shame, anything is done. When ordinary men are so disposed, anything can occur, including disasters and riots. But when high officials willfully accept or do anything, the coming of chaos to the world and peril to the empire is a virtual certainty!
From Ouyang Xiu's preface to the biography of Feng Dao (882-954) in The Historical Records of the Five Dynasties, quoted in "Chaste & Filial Women in Chinese Historical Writings of the 11th Century" by Richard Davis (Journal for the American Oriental Society, April/June 2001).
I am not just my face
or my feelings
or a collection of chemicals working out to equilibrium
I am more than my personality,
the frequencies of my voice,
my pulse and heart rate
I am none of these things.
I am all of them.
I am not just a sister
or a daughter
or a friend
I am integrated over my past
and my future
of which my considered self now
is but an instant
I think God is like this, too.
That's how He gets to make statements like
I AM
without supplying a particular referent.
Thus the omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence.
That's how I could watch my concept of God dissolve.. not like a vanishing, but more like a solution.
GODISNOWHERE
is true, either way you read it.
He's nowhere.
He's everywhere. everything.
A friend once asked how I thought of God.
My answer then was A person, I suppose for the reason that I found it convenient and useful to think of the relation between God and myself as the kind of relationship that might exist between two people. I recognized that this was probably a limited view, but it seemed the most appropriate for then.
I explained to a different friend a few days ago that I'd felt about God as though we'd been in pen-pal correspondence for quite some time, becoming familiar with one another but never really meeting, until one day I received a letter along the lines of "I suppose it's about time I told you, _______..." - I don't know what exactly would follow, but it would be something that did not invalidate what I knew of this person, but really called into question my sense of familiarity and prompt me to wonder whether the image I'd built of them was at all representative of the person I'd actually been writing to this whole time.
QUESTION
Given this spin on my understanding,
what is my response ability?
I was walking during lunch break the other day when I saw a goldfish cracker lying on the road, twitching slightly because it had a bristle of ants for a mohawk.
I'm almost embarrassed to report that one of my first thoughts was about writing a blog post in which I (so cliche...) describe how many puny ants working together can move something great, and OH if only we humans would put our strengths to use, throwing our ant-ly lives together towards a common cause!
Come on, I chided my own thoughts, It's JUST a goldfish cracker.
Just a goldfish cracker.
My mind had not yet released the metaphor
Great, I thought. How many causes toward which I throw my life will end up being just goldfish crackers?
This troubles me slightly.
I have so much life and yet,
too little to waste on a metaphorical goldfish cracker.
(No offense intended toward goldfish crackers)
(the whole thing also reminded me a bit of this)
The top part says,The Collective Consciousness of society that creates many a golden banana that you can never quite reach.
I never know what to put when something (like facebook...)
asks me to fill in my religious views.
Christian?
The name was given to the early followers of Christ - Little Christs they called them. It was a derogatory term.
I like Christ.
I don't mind being associated with Christ.
But I don't know about being associated with a lot of the Christians out there.
A lot of people who say they're following Christ don't look like they're going anywhere. I think I know where he's going. At this point, my lack of following is more of a willful ignorance. So I don't know if I can call myself a Christian if I'm not in some active apprenticeship of sorts.
One of my friends won't call himself a Christian because he doesn't want people to think that he's just another one of them. He refers to himself as an Adherent of Jesus Christ. Most people think that this is some crazy fundamentalist sect.
This same friend has also come up with a name for other believers whose faith and following he respects. He calls them Encouragers. I have been called this.
I don't feel very encouraging right now either, since I myself am stalling.
But,
I think I believe this. It is not a complete portrayal, but if you wanted to name my theology, perhaps this would not be too far off:
Thanks, Lifehouse.
This has been a good reminder.
Even if not quote physically... even if only metaphorically...
Now there is at Jerusalem by the sheep [market] a pool, which is called in the Hebrew tongue Bethesda, having five porches.
In these lay a great multitude of impotent folk, of blind, halt, withered, waiting for the moving of the water.
For an angel went down at a certain season into the pool, and troubled the water: whosoever then first after the troubling of the water stepped in was made whole of whatsoever disease he had.
And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years.
When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time [in that case], he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?
The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.
Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.
And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked: and on the same day was the sabbath.
...I understand how the man could pick up and walk
The ability to walk is one that I treasure,
metaphorically and physically.
It's an unfolding of an incredible dimension of renewable freedom
Following the Parable of the seed on different kinds of ground:
Luke 8:16-18
16
No man, when he hath lighted a candle, covereth it with a vessel, or putteth [it] under a bed; but setteth [it] on a candlestick, that they which enter in may see the light.
17
For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither [any thing] hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.
18
Take heed therefore how ye hear: for whosoever hath, to him shall be given; and whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he seemeth to have.
I would like to point out first of all that I think many church-going folk who have grown up with this verse tend to lump it together with the city on a hill and take it to mean that Christians are supposed to be a model and that we must put forth the best possible image because we will be under observation. This interpretation seems to result in a pressure for Christians to put on the best possible show without much consideration for the content.
I think that this interpretation leaves a lot of the verse uninterpreted and perhaps even gives a false impression. I do not remember Jesus often telling the disciples that they have to look good for everyone else, and I think that a close reading of the verse, especially considering the verses around it, will yield a richer understanding of the point that Jesus seems to be reiterating regarding hearing the word of God and doing it.
(Additionally since, society is always changing its mind regarding what it considers 'good.' If Christianity is trying to put on a 'good show' in the eyes of the society viewing it, the definition of what makes a 'good show' will keep changing.)
I attempt to summarize my 'conclusions' thus far:
I notice that verse 18 begins with an admonition to listen well.
I consider that the light represents those teachings of Jesus. I consider that to listen well means not only hearing, but understanding and internalizing. The teachings were meant to be enacted and put to use in the world, not to just be heard and put away for later.
For those who believe and enact the teachings, it is as if they have a light - doing what it was made to do - illuminating the world around it. Their light is not only good for them, but for those around them.
For those who hear but do not enact the teachings, it is as if they are putting the light away somewhere, foolishly because a hidden light cannot fulfill its intended function as a light. It is no good, no use hidden.
Nothing will be kept secret, but everything shall be made known - it is not difficult to determine whether someone is using a light or hiding it.
To those who have light, and use it for its intended purpose, even more shall be given as they continue to enact the teachings.
To those who do not have it, even if they think they understand or are doing the right thing, eventually it will not be difficult to determine whether they actually have been using their light. If not, then when the truth comes out, even the illusion that they thought they had will be taken from them.
The focus then,
is on hearing the word and understanding it in a way that leads us to implement it. It's not about putting on a good show of implementation. The truth of how the light is being used will eventually be obvious so I consider that the point is to focus on using the teachings. Since nothing will be kept secret, the rest will follow.
