from The Journal of Personal and Interpersonal Loss

I found it in the psych lounge

an interesting article, though worthwhile to consider how the writers interpret and evaluate their subjects.
The main purpose of the article was to examine the differences in how older vs. younger people deal with 'major losses' and the grieving process.

Vol 1 #4
Oct-Dec 1996

"Relativity of Grief"
M.K. Barnes et. al

(not necessarily in the order the passages appear in the article)

These are apparently the vital steps for effective mourning:


a) recognize and acknowledge that the loss has occurred,
b) react to the separation by being willing to experience the pain, to feel, identify, & accept the loss,
c) recollect and re-experience the deceased and the relationship and attempt to plan times to review and remember realistically,
d) relinquish the old attachments to the deceased and the old assumptive world, giving up the ways of viewing the world that were idiosyncratic to the lost relationship
e) readjust to move adaptively into the new world without forgetting the old; and
f) reinvest in new relationships and acts of meaning

...

When a major loss occurs, this analysis posits, people may first begin developing a private understanding of their loss. Then, later, when they feel comfortable confiding in others, they often disclose parts of their understandings to close others (Harvey Orbuch, Chwalisz, & Garwool,1991).

... The analysis also suggests that account-making and confiding activities are vital to recovery, in terms both of psychological and physical health.

...When a person attempts to deal with loss by long-term avoidance of or distraction from the cognitive-emotional work involved in the meaning-making process and from the social interaction in the form of confiding, our analysis and past research (eg Pennebaker, 1990) suggest, relatively negative psychological and physical reactions will occur. "Stonewalling" of feelings and thinking about his or her loss does not help the individual relieve him or herself of sorrow, guilt, or other crippling emotions, nor does it stimulate or facilitate the type of helpful interaction with others that will contribute to healing (eg Harvey, Orbuch, Weber, Merback, & Alt. 1992).

...define wisdom-related knowledge and skill in terms of a person's awareness of both the factual and procedural knowledge associated with a problem and with more general related issues of living in this scheme,
knowledge of the issues surrounding a problem,
of relativism of values and life goals,
of life's uncertainties,
and of strategic ways of getting things done
are accorded high weight in coding responses for wisdom

... To deal with traumatic events, Herman (1992) suggested an approach that involves
a) helping the survivor feel safe
b) facilitating the survivor's remembrance of the traumatic event and mourning of the loss involved, and
c) helping the survivor reconnect with the world and create a new future


... we anticipated that the more unexpected the loss, the more complicated the grief because the individual had not the opportunity to prepare him or herself for the impact - by preparatory searching for meaning or account-making, anticipating what life would be like in the absence of the other, and confiding to close others parts of one's thinkings and feelings (Sanders, 1989)