A Toast!

(posted 12 18 2007)

Gold Fish and Bananas

I was walking during lunch break the other day when I saw a goldfish cracker lying on the road, twitching slightly because it had a bristle of ants for a mohawk.

I'm almost embarrassed to report that one of my first thoughts was about writing a blog post in which I (so cliche...) describe how many puny ants working together can move something great, and OH if only we humans would put our strengths to use, throwing our ant-ly lives together towards a common cause!
(I'm sure you've never heard that one before)

Come on, I chided my own thoughts, It's JUST a goldfish cracker.


Just a goldfish cracker.


My mind had not yet released the metaphor
Great, I thought. How many causes toward which I throw my life will end up being just goldfish crackers?
This troubles me slightly.
I have so much life and yet,
too little to waste on a metaphorical goldfish cracker.

(No offense intended toward goldfish crackers)


(the whole thing also reminded me a bit of this)



The top part says,

The Collective Consciousness of society that creates many a golden banana that you can never quite reach.

Both Sides (Clouds from Above)

(posted 12 18 2007)

23 July

Upon returning home late at night after a visit home,
I was tired.
But as I approached my bed I found... this... thing...






HelloCthulu

Wherever I go,
It's good to be back.

22/7

Rough Approximation of Pi Day*


A Rough Approximation of Pie Cake was necessary...

home again

I want to pull a rip van winkle and fall asleep for 20 years.
then I will have an excuse to not try

I think I'm tired of words and interpreting verbal exchanges.
I want people to know me well enough to understand the nonverbal.

I'm so glad that I have friends and family here.
I don't have to try
Plans don't have to be urgent
Things are ok and,
I can hear the love etched into every kind of exchange
without even trying.

Net Neutrality

I saw it first on his 'away' message:
Save the whales Internet!
(I added the whales part...)

It looked like a slogan that I'd see as a button pinned to somebody's backpack, probably next to a Nuke Baby Whales button or something.

Save the Internet!

I envision the intarweb leaping over that little boy's outstretched arm back into the ocean like on Free Willy. Or bulldozers geared up to plow straight through the Tubes, obstructed only by chanting protesters with signs. Save the Internet!

Really? I thought as I clicked on the 'save the internet.' Like, what does the internet need saving from?

But then I checked out the website and discovered that apparently, the goodness I can currently experience with the internet has blinded me to what can possibly go wrong.
That's right folks - the internet use that we currently expect as a right granted with internet access could become a privilege, and a pricey one at that.

I IM'd a friend of mine with FreeCulture connections. This seemed like the sort of thing that, if it was legit, he would know about.


Net Neutrality
Is the name for how the internet currently is.
I did not know there was a word for it,
because I was not aware that there could be any other way.

For the long version, click on one of the links above and start reading.

For the short version, think of how cool it is that so many different individuals can offer so many different kinds of information for different audiences on the internet. Then think of TV and how the news is dominated by a few main channels. If you don't like the sort of news they cover, or if you want to see a different perspective, that's just too bad. Think about how much it would suck if the internet was like TV in that way.
(Example: you probably wouldn't be reading this. The reason I started a blog was so that I could get some writing practice at pseudo publishing. No way I would ever get this published in real life. I would never get my content through the established companies.)

The way I understand it that currently the Internet is nondiscriminatory in that its only job is to move information. No matter who you are, it will move your information limited only by the physical abilities of your particular connection. A breach of Network Neutrality would result in some users being given 'preference' for connection speed. Larger companies would be able to shell out the extra cash to keep their websites moving quickly while small blogs would load at a snail's pace because there's no way we could compete.

One of the coolest things about the internet is diversity of users and content options. It's a great alternative to mainstream news, and a highly effective information network. This diversity and availability of content would be threatened or extinguished by Internet Service Providers charging a fee for effective internet service.

There is a serious threat,
but there is also enough of a 'Save the Internet' voice that nobody's going to make any sudden moves just yet. It is worth looking into and taking action on however, because there are no current legal protections for Net Neutrality. If the current pro-Net-Neutrality voice lets down it's guard, the ISPs could launch their fees and there would be no laws in place to stop them.

Giftwrap

Wrapping the gifts I got for the wedding was a lot of fun.
I still have to make them their card.
I think the awesome card is going to be a wedding tradition of mine.



I made wrapping paper by soaking printing paper in a shallow tray on a mixture of cooking oil, water, and food coloring. I should've let it soak a little longer, but I was being impatient and short on time.

While it was still wet, I traced some patters with more concentrated food coloring.

I did not have a ribbon, so I made one out of tracing paper.



This one is wrapped in tracing paper for the added light and translucent effect. With a tracing paper crane and ribbon, which curls with a scissors the same way that regular ribbon does.

All Together Now

Two of my friends were married today.

To each other.

It doesn't feel weird. - People my age (and younger) getting married.

I think because it felt like just another way that we could be there for each other as two of us moved through a particular stage of life.

I'm glad I got to come back home for this.

I was prepared to train-hop, carpool, or hitchhike home for this, but fortunately things worked out such that I could just fly.
No way I would've missed it.

His parents adopted me when I befriended his brother in high school. They were all brothers in some sense - some biologically related. With the exception of her brother, the groomsmen were also guys I knew from high school. They made the whole groomsmen thing look like a developing inside joke. We are a dependable, though scattering, friend group. And now he's getting married, so - although not all of us could be there - it seems natural that we would come back together and contribute to his wedding ceremony by providing groomsmen, two (count 'em) two best men, and music. The wedding was held at home in his mother's garden. It was a beautiful day.

I actually don't really know her all that well, but she's certainly a mature, capable, responsible (not to mention beautiful...) young lady for whom I have tremendous respect.

Inevitably, we shall enjoy this time together and will then disperse to the lives we are finding separately. But, it seems that inevitably, some event will prompt our mutual support, and we shall condense again.

Religious Views:

I never know what to put when something (like facebook...)
asks me to fill in my religious views.

Christian?
The name was given to the early followers of Christ - Little Christs they called them. It was a derogatory term.
I like Christ.
I don't mind being associated with Christ.
But I don't know about being associated with a lot of the Christians out there.

A lot of people who say they're following Christ don't look like they're going anywhere. I think I know where he's going. At this point, my lack of following is more of a willful ignorance. So I don't know if I can call myself a Christian if I'm not in some active apprenticeship of sorts.

One of my friends won't call himself a Christian because he doesn't want people to think that he's just another one of them. He refers to himself as an Adherent of Jesus Christ. Most people think that this is some crazy fundamentalist sect.

This same friend has also come up with a name for other believers whose faith and following he respects. He calls them Encouragers. I have been called this.
I don't feel very encouraging right now either, since I myself am stalling.

But,
I think I believe this. It is not a complete portrayal, but if you wanted to name my theology, perhaps this would not be too far off:



Thanks, Lifehouse.
This has been a good reminder.

In the Open Skies of the Midwest

photos from 7/12




Air masses meet to do battle



From what I've seen of it,
Portland weather is all talk and no action.

but here...
Send in the clouds!



They ambushed a clear evening -

Back at the driveway in W I

Airport Security

They've always enforced the 'take off your shoes' rule whenever I fly.
So I generally comply before they ask, because it takes less time.
however,

...

They never tell me to put my shoes back on again



So I like to walk around in my socks on the carpet
and pretend I can moonwalk on the moving walkways

It's difficult to say ...

I've been saying goodbye today.


This morning, I saw a friend whom I haven't seen for a while.
We chatted about our summer plans and I invited him over for dinner on some ambiguous several-weeks-in-the-future day. I have a tremendous respect for him and for his ventures, but he's recently graduated and soon to go on to bigger and better things.
All the while, as we talked about our plans and how we would see each other later, all the hopeful words sounded like an eloquent goodbye.
I'd like the summer to slow down a bit so I can see him again before school starts up and he departs in search of his future.
My appreciation of his presence and camaraderie must be temporary. We both have a lot of good to do in the world, and probably in different places.


This evening, I saw a friend whom I don't see often enough. We haven't kept quite enough of each other in our lives. He was having a farewell party. He just finished being a freshman and is going off to do bigger and better things - for a month in Oaxaca. We didn't talk much - opting for music instead. I'll probably see him again before I leave for home and he leaves for Oaxaca. But, even though I'm at a farewell party and my mouth is saying the shape "goodbye," I hear the music that we'll play when he comes back. Summer is nice, but I'd like it to speed up a little so I can hear those wagon wheels rollin' again.

I miss people even when they're here,
because mixed with every wonderful moment
and with every hope of the future
is the knowledge that the moments of the future
will not be these moments.
We all move on.

I only hope that the future we build has more moments like these.
Then it won't only be goodbye

07.07.07

Had I been ruthlessly on top of my numbers, I would've thought of something special for 07:07 07/07/07

BUT as it was, I'd just woken up and allowed myself to fade back into comfortable sleepiness. Sleep is a very good use of time...

July 06

:D
Happy Birfday




I'm glad we can be old together

I become convinced

that the world is full of amazing things for which I lack the context.


that one of our higher callings as human beings is to fairly and honestly involve ourselves in the lives of others, and to let other people into our own lives.


that we are meant to be interdependent.



I think this is an important thing to learn.
Possibly one of the most important things to learn.

4th July

(posted 7/8/7, altered to appear as 4th)

I stood on the soccer field

and watched the little blisters of color appear and disappear all along my visible perimeter.

21

I always think that I have the best friends, and that they might be better than your friends. ;)
My friends are awesome.



Twenty one
The word goes with the shape so well.
This is what 21 looks like:

July.03.07: 21

I very much enjoy these numbers

Tuesday
July
07.03.07
21
7*3 = 21
21 is one of my favorite numbers.
It looks smooth and white. It's relatively quiet. I like its personality.


And the day is an accordingly beautiful one.

I feel that my assigned numerical value has caught up with my age.
I have been engaged in a continuing process of refinement, sometimes by fire.

I wonder about the different ways by which I could've reached this age and am thankful for the things and people that have brought me to where I am.

I sometimes write notes for my future self.
Or, by then, from my past self.



It's *Tuesday
So I leave work early to bike to my tutoring job. I will go home first to get a different set of clothes and will check my email just before leaving work. In the 5 minutes it takes me to get home, I will get several new messages, one of them being
this awesome birthday card-like thing which will provoke a response of gleefully cackling laughter from me. I will reflect on how nice it is that some friends have left me pleasant messages.

Then I will have a lovely, though rushed, bike ride to NorthEast where I will explain some very nice properties of the unit circle and convenient triangles. The physics professor/tutor will notice my copy of Griffith's Introduction to Elementary Particles and will want to talk about gravity, but I won't really know enough to say anything intelligent.

After tutoring, I sit on the grass in the sun under a sunny blue sky and think about how I am a product of my experiences and of the things that other people have done for me. I wear the red patterned bandana that my brother gave me and the blue running top and shoes that my mom gave me. I sit next to the bike that a friend has let me borrow to replace my usual bike (which was given to me by my Aunt and my Mom). I will eat the snack that I brought: raspberry pie from one of my friends at work, bread that my roommate brought, and an apple (I got that one). I will watch the sky and sing to myself and to God, feeling grateful for events leading to, and carrying through this day.
Eventually, I will pick myself up out of the warm grass and head home.

On my way back, I pull over to watch a response team deal with a man who looked like he was suffering the affects of heat and recent abdominal surgery. I will donate a jar and my white bandana toward the cause of cooling him off (I need to get a new emergency bandana...). I will discover that my friends' bike has a whopping 24 gears which enables me to cause passing cars to slow down and even stop in my frame of reference. I will arrive back at my apartment to discover that my roommate wants to mix me a white russian and a good friend is there baking delicious things.

After running some errands and taking some pictures,
I will talk to my family on the phone. My mom will ask how it feels to be 21.
I'll tell her that it feels appropriate.
She will sound a little surprised at that response.






I think it was less of my first day of being 21 and more of my last day being 20.

2 July

My last day of being 20

2 0

Often,
when my age is truncating to a new integer,
I feel as if there is some new responsibility or expectation I should have of myself-
- some new venture that I am taking on.

But this time,
laying on my back in the grove of dancing trees,
watching the sun come through the leaves to fall in spotlight circles around me,
(I think that I don't spend enough time watching the sky above me like this)
this time it feels as though the number 21 is less of a venture and more of a recognition.
Shedding the 2 and 0 and replacing it with 21 (yes, both digits change) only feels natural,
and maybe even overdue.



With this, I get up and move into the second half of the summer.

the visual associations of today's date are purple, green, and flowery (probably grape flavored) -
like the iris that I didn't take a picture of last month.

like this,
but color the white with more purple.



(Happy Birthday Jazzy!)

July 1

I like summer.

I especially like summer nights.
I like the not-too-cool dark that, like a swimming pool, invites you to step in with more than just one foot. Summer nights are for staying outside, kicking around a ball you can't see or pursuing floating lights through tall glass armed with nothing but a jam jar until you hear your mom calling that it's time to come in!from the front porch and your subsequent requests for just a little longer! are denied.

I like visiting people.
I think I make a stronger-than-usual association between location and camaraderie. It's important to me to be able to visit the people I care about - to be willing to leave my own space and get to know them in their own habitat. It doesn't feel right to pass a friend's house without stopping by to say hello. Sometimes I wonder if this is nice, or a little intrusive.
I assume that my location association is somewhat unusual because if I stop to think, it seems that I try to be other places to see people more often than other people are here.

I like climbing trees. They're very comforting-feeling, and I generally appreciate the view. I notice however, that my compulsion to climb trees has greatly diminished in the last few years. I suspect this is part of the adult society conditioning that I am subconsciously being exposed to. I will not listen.

This is the first summer I've spent this long away from home.
There is no one to call me inside on warm summer nights.
But I also find that there aren't any games to call me in from.
I don't think there are fireflies here, and it rarely stars because of frequent clouding.

I've been wanting to make some use of these warm summer nights, these trees, and hoping for friends to spend them with me.



And I get my wish,
mostly.

Still no fireflies and few, if any, stars -
but check it out:

A warm summer night, carrying our cups of tea, standing around a newly-revealed scummy pond at which we fail to skip stones, climbing a tree with someone who had the excellent timing to stop by for a visit just as we returned home (I note nice and not intrusive).

I realize it feels like summer again.

go little red balloon, *go!