The Quest (or, how to find yourself a muse)

(discovered in the notebook, probably written on the train between Hue and Ninh Binh, probably around Dec 11, 2017)
(I don't remember writing this; it must have been part of the dream, and near the Source)

... It is interesting to see what hallucinations rise up out of emptiness.

I think these are potentium dreams. When we want to disconnect into nothingness, yes, it is to touch that primal energetic chaos of creation. But it's not all chaos; perhaps just undifferentiated signal.

You have to wade into it.
That's The Quest.

You have to wade into the nothing.
The nothing that is the seed of everything.
And, you have to become nothing enough
for the chaos to accept you as one of its own,
for you to accept the nothing as yourself
and see, at that point, that it's not really nothing...

It's an energetic nothing
A bundle of everything
humming, softly dormant
without a shape

That's where you come in.

Your curse
is that, being something, you cannot fully return to nothingness,
you can only befriend it.

But relax and let your chest be hollow.
As the energetic nothing accepts your body, it tunes its hum to fit.

It listens to you,
listening to it.

Quiet down.
Learn to listen to the energetic hum
of shapeless everything.

Noise is not chaos, but signals out of place,
ungroomed, uncivilized,
running rogue.

Let your chest be empty
and observe the nothings that make you hum.

They will not come at once.
They are timid and quiet. Wait for them like rabbits.

They will not come in an orderly way. Some will not stay.
Do not try to catch the first you see.
Tempting as it may be,
you'll scare it and the others.

Let your hollow chest become a stage.

Watch their dreams rise and fall, and ask yourself:
What shape must my heart be
such that these nothings
choose to visit? Which persist?

Your empty body is a flute
a singing bowl
a taught, but silent string.

Provide the tension.
Pay attention

to hear which nothings sing.


[...]


These visions are not meant to be futures; only possibilities.
They allow me to consider potential realities without commitment.

I try to listen to all the harmonies that make up my own voice.

The Quest is to retrieve something from the primal chaos: a signal
You are the vessel.

Quiet yourself to receive the signal. Listen carefully to its guidance.
When the hum of every/nothing has chosen a song in you,
Arise and depart. Return to the village with your gift:
a song in the shape of your heart.

An adopted energetic something
filling your empty chest.

This is not all predestined. The songs fit between your ribs like hermit crabs in shells.

It takes another level of patience, but if you can change the shape of your heart,
then different songs will choose to stay.

You can sample different signals. Give them time to rise and fall.
When they grow strong enough, you'll begin to see yourself expressing them.

Retain the quarantine
Allow them to grow stronger.
Practice singing them back to yourself before leaving the cave,
this energetic,
silent chaos.

Nothing is not empty
Nothing is future everything.

It is your sanctuary.
Let your body be a temple
Let your mind be a priest
Let your heart be a choir,
an organ

Breathe

Become a conductor
of the songs that choose you.

Breathe

Become a vessel
that harbors the music.

Listen
to what they tell you
Watch
the dance of potentials
Carve
your body
like a violin maker
and listen to the nothings that hum within your frame.

This is your Quest

To learn to sing your songs
First to hear them,
then to sing them to yourself,
then with others.

Observe
what gets your attention
what gives you energy
and what you begin to naturally produce.

Too much
static and we begin to see shapes
silence and we begin to hear voices
nothing and we begin to manifest patterns

Chaos is a fertile nothing
given a seed,
it cannot but drink the energy that matches it.

The Quest
is none other than man's effot
to unearth a sliver of valuable
signal from a sea of noise.


Some people mistake Potentium Dreams for instructions. They may be instructional, but they are not instructions. They merely reveal your wishes.

Watch their dance and learn from them. Do not obey them. They are not your gods any more than the trees and weather are.

But, ask yourself
why you allowed them to appear, and what their signal means to you, these mirages.

Wait for the consistent hum.
Its patience outlives the others.
This will be your heartbeat. Observe yourself with curiosity.

[...]

An energetic nothing makes it easier to hear
the rhythms I would like to have
and to practice.