forgiveness
Today,
I think that forgiveness is not about justifying, explaining, or finding ways to believe that some offense has been accepted, paid for, or can be mitigated.
I think I'd come to think of it that way, which surprises me by seeming foreign. And yet, I think I see it in my actions.
I don't like this view because it seems to me that if something is not ok, then attempts to make it so retroactively contribute to a sort of excuse-finding or rationalizing that I think is unhealthy because it begins to invalidate the significance of an offense/consequence and cast it as something other than it was. If we begin trying to say that something not ok is ok, I think that produces an unhealthiness as we succeed in confusing ourselves. It's true that there's more than one side to every story, but it's also true that there are consequences to actions. Some things, even if understandable or inevitable, are still not ok.
I was just remembering some Biblical concepts of repentance. Repentance is not about using the right words or actions in professing guilt, shame, justification, or indebtedness. Repentance is a complete 180-degree turn away from those characteristics and actions which caused an offense.
In the teachings of Jesus, when one person comes to another in a spirit of repentance, that person should be forgiven.
Forgiveness is the freedom to start from a newness and to make something different. It's a chance to learn from past mistakes, and when you come across a similar situation, to use what you know to make entirely different mistakes ;). Forgiveness doesn't mean that old things are 'ok', but it means that they don't have to get in the way of new things being possible, acceptable, and enjoyable.
I think that repentant persons are forgiven because this way, if the person has really changed direction, they are free to walk a new path, and meanwhile the old offense has not been made any less significant, just less relevant. Repentance and forgiveness together recognizes the significance of what was without obstructing what could still be. I think this sounds healthy when used with understanding.
3 comments:
Thank you for this. It echoes somewhat my own thought. I especially like this line:
"Some things, even if understandable or inevitable, are still not ok. "
Somethings are not okay, but that doesn't mean we cannot go on. Sometimes we just need to acknowledge its inacceptability, and let ourselves move forward without taking the negative shadows of the past.
Thank you for seeding the thoughts that made this post.
find new paths, let others find theirs, perhaps ...
I’m sure we all have our experiences with pain as a result of someone else. Some are hurt worse than others, some more often than others. In some cases the pain someone else caused makes us better, stronger or gives us an understanding to help someone else. In other cases the pain can be felt for a lifetime with constant reminders of what they did.
Every October 25th, Crash Day in my lexicon, I remember the man that through his negligence and carelessness changed the course of my life forever 17 years ago. He robbed me of my dream and quite possibly my happiness. Every time I tilt my head or see someone else on the path I began I remember.
The subject of forgiveness has come up many times since then. There is no way he could pay for 17 years and a new optic nerve. One of my meditations is about what I would do if our paths ever crossed. I’d like to think I’ve evolved and matured to the point where I could walk past him, I’ve had time to pick up the pieces he left me and did a pretty good job rebuilding. But I can’t guarantee I won’t try to hurt him as much as he hurt me.
Honestly, I will never forgive him. There is nothing he could do to give back what he stole from me. I don’t care what he’s accomplished since then because he’s done nothing to make amends to me. In my mind he’s just a name, not a person. And I give him as much time and energy as a name disserves.
Trace
Again, such wisdom from someone so young, No wonder my radar was so screwed up.
Post a Comment