Death to my deathbed

A while back, in March? or so,
over the dinner I owed him at Lili's in exchange for prior talk, 牛肺, and 水具鱼,...

We'd been talking about various philosophies and different useful texts,

I explained about the characters in the Conference of the Birds and though he hadn't read it, as I listed off some represented traits he added '... and the bird that wants to understand why this particular route is being chosen and what the significance to flying over this river is...' which I identified with all too clearly.

Later, we spoke of choices and motivations.

I really don't want to have regrets, I told him,

Sometimes I try to think of myself on my deathbed looking back,
and try to anticipate whether I will regret something.
I really don't want to feel like I would.
Sometimes living for no regrets seems like a lot of pressure.


Well,
he said, after a pause.
You know what I think you should do to the self on your deathbed?

... kill her?

kill her.


We both took a drink from our water.