Smile for the camera

I have a lot to be happy about all the time.
I am living in a dream year.
But, when I look at pictures of myself here - even ones where I
thought I was happy and smiling, thought I was being pleasant, thought
I was looking exuberant - I think I actually look kind of depressed
and maybe a little desperate, as if I am afraid that looking into the
camera will open a channel to something I'm not ready to see or to
have seen.

The most disturbing part is thinking at the time that I was happy and
fine, when the evidence seems to point to more ... weary, and slipping
in my poorly calibrated attempts to keep up the act.