S.S. Awesome

I was feeling a little disappointed with the way a conversation with a friend had gone. I mentioned it to another friend because I think he read it too quickly off of the way my face disobeyed the command to smile and tell him I was feeling fine.

Well, just remember, he said something like this,
you are awesome.

I thanked him because I know that I am supposed to feel better and comforted by being reminded that I am awesome.

But, when he said awesome,
I felt my heart sink a little bit.
I hugged him back anyway.
He was probably just trying to say what he thought I might have needed to hear.


I've been told similar things by a good number of people at various times. And, the encouragement of their words has certainly been helpful in keeping me going at times. But, as I emptied out the ballast, I contemplated that rather than hearing their words, I think I would prefer if friends were a more connected and ongoing part of my life. I would rather think with them than be told that they think well of me. The words are gifts and feel good to give, but they are not the interaction.


If I'm going to feel that way though, then I guess I'd better make sure I walk the talk myself and be a friend, perhaps preemptively and certainly when there's friendship to return. Cuz here I am just trying to live my own life, too. Isn't that all anyone can try to do? I'll just keep trying to properly appreciate the times when the life I'm trying lines up close enough to someone else's for a ways. And when it diverges, that is also because of choices I make.