curriculum of collisions
A few days ago -
While walking to the bus, I'd been pondering what I considered to be a connection between early heartbreak and increased maturity due to insight from having to deal with necessary lessons, whether or not they were what a person wants to learn.
There's something about the way that ideals and expectations when followed sometimes collide against the unyielding consequences of reality. And, the only thing to do with the pieces is to learn.
Then later, reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, I came across the following passage,
"He had become much more mature, as if the abandonment of his inner goals had caused him somehow to age more quickly."
This seemed relevant, but I am wary of the kind of 'aging' mentioned. Maturation and aging are different processes.
Later - talking with my brother - we concluded that it is not such a heartbreak alone that induces maturity. The victim must already be mature and willing enough to begin to climb the lessons instead of letting them bounce off ineffectively or in a way by which nothing is really learned.
And today, I noticed a quote from a friend's facebook stating that she thought "...certain maladaptive coping mechanisms are really just a lot more fun than more adaptive alternatives..."
It's true.
Even if the only thing to do is to learn, some people chose to view situations in a way that does not challenge or require them to change who they are. It is easier that way. They don't see anything to learn from.
But, those who have eyes to see find things to learn from and learn not to be afraid of the broken glass and mirrors.
This is a difficult curriculum to follow.
But, I am a student.
1 comment:
“Later - talking with my brother - we concluded that it is not such a heartbreak alone that induces maturity. The victim must already be mature and willing enough to begin to climb the lessons instead of letting them bounce off ineffectively or in a way by which nothing is really learned.”
Amen sister. I can't tell you how many times I’ve met people who just let the lessons bounce off of them only to have many opportunities to learn it over and over again. I will admit there were a few lessons I had to take a few remedial courses on myself.
You may have heard me referring to someone, maybe yourself, as earning stripes. In the popular lexicon it means to learn by experience. I use it to mean going through situations, accomplishing something, and even surviving things that just by making it through it demonstrates or proves ability and maturity.
Some stripes are the “norm”. These are the cultural bare minimum. Like getting a drivers license, or graduating High School. Then there are the adult stripes. These demonstrate different levels of ability, discipline, drive and focus. Graduating from a 4 year university or college is a prime example. What are left are the core stripes, the ones that demonstrate your emotional maturity. Bouncing back after heartbreaks, of any kind, are at their root.
I am a strong believer in taking inventory every once and a while and counting your stripes. They are an indication of how far you’ve come and what you can handle. This is what separates the regulars, from the Veterans, from the Thunder Lizards. I think we all want to be Veterans, but what life throws at us, and how we overcome it again and again makes the Thunder Lizard, the Old Salty, the Seasoned Vet, the Iron Horse.....Ok, I’m done.
OT
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