understanding

I have been subject to the opinion that I should not care what others think about me.

And yet, I do.
Is my opinion invalid?
no.

I found some words to explain it.


I care about what others think of me because they will speak to me and understand me in terms of who they think I am. If they have a false or mistaken perception of me, then they will have a false or mistaken perception of where I am coming from with the things I say and do, and so will not interpret me accurately (although I recognize that I won't necessarily have an accurate view of myself either).

I will be less free to speak out of my own thoughts, because in order to make myself understood, I will have to anticipate how they will filter my words through their perception. For most people, this does not matter, but for people with whom I communicate more closely, errors are more significant.

And, if I incorrectly assume things of others, then I subject them to the same restrictions of perceived expression by my own lack of understanding (however, there is always room to change one's opinion).

I will no longer feel as if I am doing myself a disservice for caring what others think of me, although I will try to be careful not to be impeded and to recognize that there will be necessarily-acceptable losses.

The suggestion seems to be that if I care what others think, then I am weak, looking for external validation, too-easily-influenced, too ready to go along with something...

and I might be some of these, but mostly, I think I want to understand and be understood, and to promote understanding.

How can this happen if I am conversing with someone who already assumes something of me that I disagree with?