a Shel Silverstein Story

This is a great story:

The Missing Piece Meets the Big O

by Shel Silverstein

Mika makes sense

More songs I like today (click on the text for a link to a better YouTube video):

"*Happy Ending"
-Mika



"My Interpretation"
-Mika

mirror, mirror . . .

Since I think that the way I view other people is largely based on the way I perceive myself, . . .


in order to be more considerate and real with others,

I will need to be more reasonable and comfortable in myself.



OK.

understanding

I have been subject to the opinion that I should not care what others think about me.

And yet, I do.
Is my opinion invalid?
no.

I found some words to explain it.


I care about what others think of me because they will speak to me and understand me in terms of who they think I am. If they have a false or mistaken perception of me, then they will have a false or mistaken perception of where I am coming from with the things I say and do, and so will not interpret me accurately (although I recognize that I won't necessarily have an accurate view of myself either).

I will be less free to speak out of my own thoughts, because in order to make myself understood, I will have to anticipate how they will filter my words through their perception. For most people, this does not matter, but for people with whom I communicate more closely, errors are more significant.

And, if I incorrectly assume things of others, then I subject them to the same restrictions of perceived expression by my own lack of understanding (however, there is always room to change one's opinion).

I will no longer feel as if I am doing myself a disservice for caring what others think of me, although I will try to be careful not to be impeded and to recognize that there will be necessarily-acceptable losses.

The suggestion seems to be that if I care what others think, then I am weak, looking for external validation, too-easily-influenced, too ready to go along with something...

and I might be some of these, but mostly, I think I want to understand and be understood, and to promote understanding.

How can this happen if I am conversing with someone who already assumes something of me that I disagree with?

enlightenment

Sometimes,
I remember that, in a way, everything is fine just as it is.

I remembered while riding the bus home in the dark, at least half a year ago. An odd place to feel enlightened - I thought - on late night public transportation. The seed of doubt which found me in the middle of my sense of comfort in that time and place was knowing that, probably later, I would forget.

I hope to remember from time to time.

worlds

Had a discussion with a friend recently.

You know those stories... the stuff of science fiction / fantasy books and movies where a normal person is contacted, or discovers, or has revealed to them, some alternate reality or alternate world that sweeps them up into the plot of the rest of the adventure, as a character in a series of events that they never thought possible or even real before.

I think one of the least realistic things about that kind of story is the idea of a normal person believing the alternate world/reality or giving it enough credibility to allow themselves to become a part of its goings-on.

I think - and other people have told me, too - that I'm pretty open-minded. I like being able to learn and observe and incorporate new things. But I feel like sometimes, I am too ready to give something a chance ... it might be convenient to just decide how the world is, and then to view different things as strange and foreign intrusions. I would just decide on what I thought should be the 'acceptable world', and live with a static perception (I don't really want to do this). As it is though, I feel like I have passed through many worlds - or, if you prefer - many perceptions of the world. My constructions are what I live in, and they are subject to change with new observations and understandings. Sometimes this feels adventurous and sometimes it all keeps morphing. I guess it can get hard to see the river for the currents (and they never stop).

I suppose the only constant thing is change.
It seems that I am nothing if not adaptable.

I like this music tonight:

Where do I go?

I think, sometimes, I just go away.

And I do not notice until I feel myself coming back.


Where do you go?
He asked me once, point blank,
as if his words might peer into something that eyes are untrained for and draw out a response from somewhere beyond that would return me to where I sat beside him.

That was four years ago already, and I still don't know the answer.

Things I have liked about having a job

1) Not being concerned with rationing food! (and not looking wistfully at the lower prices of by-product-filled foods)

2) Being able to buy both food and other things (like bus tickets! and going to the doctor!)

3) Having budget that does not assume that I will find a good number of things for free.

4) Not thinking too much about what pens and art supplies cost

5) Affording extracurricular education